This is a rather personal post from me, I did hesitate about posting it but I felt like I wanted to share. I’ve left out some elements I’ll admit, but I wanted to make note of my feelings.
It’s been a good few years since I celebrated Mother’s Day with my mum. Father’s Day too in fact!
It all started years ago when my dad wasn’t speaking with my mums side so much, no idea why. Back in 2007 mum and dad sold the house, I went to live with my ex boyfriends mum and then I headed to Australia to go meet him. Mum and dad went off in the caravan together and continued to do the steam fairs that I’d been a part of since a young age.
I think it was 2008 when I was told that my great Nan had passed, she did well as she was in her 90s, sadly a tumble in the garden and the fact that she knew she would likely have to go into a home was too much. My parents were up north when she was in hospital, I offered to pay for train tickets, whatever it took to get at least mum to come down and see her Nan, she didn’t. Before the funeral I offered to buy dad a suit, mainly because all he had was light washed jeans, shirts and walking boots, he wouldn’t let me. He then somehow got in his head that he wasn’t able to carry the coffin because he wasn’t wearing suitable clothes, I still don’t know till this day why he got that impression. Anyway, the day came, I recall sitting next to my cousins and then I heard the most distressing noise, it was my mum, she broke down, never before had I seen or heard anyone in so much pain.
Since that day my parents started to see less and less of my mums side and I started to see less of them too. I only really spoke with them on the phone or saw them when they were near by.
Couple of years went by, I ended up breaking up with my then boyfriend of 4 years. Still they continued to hardly speak to my mums side, my mum hadn’t spoken to her sisters and I think she was hardly talking to her own mum at that point.
Skipping a few more years, I started to question my parents to why they didn’t speak with my Nan and aunties, I never got a clear answer. Also pretty much all of the conversations were with dad. I was getting so fed up of being the messenger, it wasn’t right, there was no reasoning behind any of it. One New Years ( I think it was 2013) I got a call from my dad, I vaguely recall the actual conversation. I remember being asked what I wanted for a belated Christmas present, but the way the call ended was with dad hanging up on me and then I was in floods of tears. That was the last time I spoke to them.
Come 2014 my fiancé and I planned to get married the following year. I then had to decide what I was going to do regarding my parents, so I wrote them a letter. Basically it said something alone the lines of ‘if you don’t sort out whatever this is between the family, then I wouldn’t be happy for them to attend their only daughters wedding’. About a month later I received an email from my dad that simply said:
Thanks for your letter a reply will follow shortly and just as honest as yours but maybe more factual also a copy will be sent to Nan so no confusion to be had.
Neither Nan or I received a letter of any kind.
The time came for me to start looking at wedding dresses, each time I went to look and try on dresses my Nan came with me, but everyone of those times didn’t feel quite right. I loved having Nan with me of course but mum should of been there too. If anything for her sake she should of been there. I have no idea if that was something she dreamed of but surely most mums want to be part of their daughters wedding journey.
After no luck I decided to not invite them to the wedding. I’ve known my husband since 2011 and they still haven’t met him either.
After the wedding my dad somehow got hold of some of the official photos and uploaded them to his Facebook page along with this comment:
This was then commented on by their friends saying things like ‘she will regret it’ ‘so horrible of her not to invite you’ etc. I remember laughing and crying, laughing at how ridiculous that statement was and crying because I still couldn’t understand why they were acting like that. I still don’t understand it now.
Oh and I must mention that the reason we couldn’t visit them at the campsite was due to Jerry’s work commitments and another reason but I forget. To be honest, they never thought to visit us, but somehow found time to see my dads side who live about 30mins away. Anyway…
Communication was reduced further after this Facebook post as then my dad decided to block me. It was hard for me not to reply to the comments made by people I also knew, but it just wasn’t worth the effort. They already believed I was the bad one.
It’s been about 4 years since I last spoke with them and in the next few weeks we are due to have our first child, their first grandchild. Will they ever meet him, who knows. I know that if they want to then they will have to mend the relationships between my Nan and aunties before they do. Maybe we will never speak again, but I do know that I have no regrets, I’ve done all I can and if they want to act in that childish manner then so be it.
I don’t actually know what the point of this blog post was or if I should of even wrote it, but I think I just wanted to highlight how important communication is. Life is too short to fret over pointless things.
Jerry never had a dad growing up, and my parents have changed very much over the years (they were very loving and supportive parents whilst growing up I wish to add).
Jerry and I both want our child(ren) to know they will always be loved, we will always be there for them even in difficult times and nothing is ever worth fighting about.