I’ll be 32 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and only now am I regretting not writing a blog about those previous weeks. My dear husband however was far smarter than I and started writing a physical diary back in September. I’ve not actually read any of it yet (I know right!), I have no idea why. Maybe I’ve been avoiding it for some reason, for an evening where I want to sit in my nursing chair and have a good cry, who knows!
This last week I think it’s finally hit me, in about 2 months I will be a mum. That’s nuts! I know what you’re thinking, how on earth can it take you that long to realise? Well, it has so that’s that. Holding my cousins little one last night really made it dawn on me for some reason. Strangely enough the actual giving birth bit doesn’t bother me (yet), but the realisation of becoming a parent has. You ask yourself questions like ‘Can I actually do this?’ ‘What if I’m doing it wrong?’ ‘How does one actually change a nappy?’. But I’m sure every mum-to-be has those thoughts and sometimes you do forget how much of a life changing thing it is that you’re about to go through.
I think what I’m struggling with is the only being able to prepare/organise so much part. Yes the nursery is already sorted, yes we probably have more than enough clothes for him, but now there isn’t much more we can actually do. For someone who likes to plan as much as possible in advance, this is the first time I’ve felt a little lost about what to do next. And the answer to that really is to just be patient and wait until he’s ready to arrive. My due date is the 4th April, most of my family are convinced it’ll be March, we shall see. I’m not really sure how true the whole ‘but your first is usually late’ thing is. After my cousins partner gave birth to her son at 28 weeks, anything can happen really!
Another thing I don’t think I can prepare for is the love I’ll have for him, well that’s what people have said to me anyway. If anything that’s exciting! Obviously being in love with your husband is amazing, but I get a feeling this will be a whole different kind of love. I still very much look forward to the days when he’s a little older and we can go explore places. I was quite fortunate in a way when I was younger, spending most of my weekends at farmers markets or in a field in the middle of nowhere. My parents would be sorting out the trade stall and I would go on mini adventures on my own, exploring the trees, meeting other children and making up fun games to play. That’s what I hope for our child, a feeling of freedom and exploration. Asking all of the questions and wanting to know more about what’s around him and the world, and the universe whilst he’s at it!
I feel like I’m babbling on about a lot of random thoughts now… maybe it’s the terrible night sleep I had, maybe I’m just beginning to think about it all a little more. But I do know that I very much look forward to meeting you little one.